Monday, September 30, 2013 10:58 pm

unsure

listen, ♥I'm getting more and more uncertain about myself. No doubt that I dream. In fact, I dream big, too big sometimes, that I feel overshadowed. But that's besides the point.

I know for a fact that I have a test on Friday. And the whole world is studying and putting in so much effort. But here I am, being uncertain, unsure about what I'm doing, about what I need to do. There's no sense of urgency. And its scaring me.

I feel so hopeless sometimes. It's like I know that I have loads of things to do, all the time. I'm not trying to be cynical, I don't wanna be slacking when there's so much work on hand. But I'm too tired to even do anything, to move an inch, nothing. I just wanna sit here and do nothing all day. I wanna sit around doing nothing, being bored, watching the world go by. I just wanna relax for a bit because so much is going through my head, and I'm already so tired from everything.

It's not true that I'm not trying, I am. In fact, I've been doing more at a faster speed that I feel so lifeless and helpless. It's not that I cannot do anything now when I have to, but I've lost that very motivation that kept me going from time to time.

I'm not the best of students, I don't know much about myself and my life. I don't know what I want at the end of the day and while the path I'm treading on is not all bleak, it freaks me out. To know that I'm already an adult, that I'm graduating in less than 2 years, that I have so much responsibilities as an individual, a daughter, a granddaughter, and the list goes on.

I'm so tired, of trying to live the life, to be of worth, to smile when I'm not the least bit happy, to entertain stupid people who strive to make me angry. I'm so uncertain of myself, of what I really want, of the things that I have.

I feel so lost in my own life, I feel like burying myself alive.

Saturday, September 14, 2013 10:42 pm

Marcus

listen, ♥

Monday, September 09, 2013 10:39 pm

Bestf

listen, ♥Dear Bestf,

Happy 23rd Birthday! :)
You know how much I love and miss you.
Come home soon.

x,

10:36 pm

Birthdays

listen, ♥

Friday, September 06, 2013 11:58 pm

mehhh

listen, ♥Today just cannot get any worse than it did. From the early morning till the late afternoon and all the way till night, things just didn't really work out for me and I'm so exhausted from everything.

I happily went to school this morning feeling all happy because my hair was in place and I'm gonna meet my friend later in the day. But I never expected to be confronted with such adversaries.

First, I forgot my thumb drive which contained my homework. Then, I forgot my food labels which I had to hand in for my assignment. Thirdly, I'm stuck in a group that I would never want to be in. Fourthly, I had a very bad lunch which I am still regretting until now. Lastly, I didn't know what time it was until it was late enough and the rain, just had to start pouring. Tell me how lucky I've been.

The only joy I've found today, was spending time doing nothing with my fellow counterpart.

Thank goodness for my Partner, thank goodness for my counterpart, who was firstly there with me through it all, and secondly, who was there to listen to me whine and whine and whine until I felt better. Thank you. :)

Thank God for my Baby Brother who helped me tide over this crisis of mine. THANK YOU JESUS! I feel so indebted to him and I promise to treat him even better than I have been! I LOVE YOU KERBY! *hugs and kisses*

The day couldn't get any worse, and I'm glad that it's over. :) A new day awaits me. Meeting Voda tomorrow, super happy we're gonna spend time together again. :)

Till then, x

Thursday, September 05, 2013 10:49 pm

Start

listen, ♥And so, Fall has started and I'm so tired and mentally drained despite it being the second week of school. The amount of work that has to be done, the number of projects and assignments and tests to do, everything's just moving on to a weary start. But oh well, things will get better, somehow.

I was invited to NTU by my lovely girls today and I  had a good time catching up, studying and just, spending time with them. Such precious moments that went by in a flash. But nonetheless, I am thankful. :) It's been too long and we need a #FantasticFour reunion soon.

As the semester continues on and accelerates at lightning speed, I hope and pray that I can do better than the last semester despite having more modules than ever. (The most I've ever taken in university)

I'm so tired everyday, despite the countless vitamins that I'm taking. Sigh pie. :(

I hope school gets a little better than it is so that I can feel a little better about myself and the things that are happening around me.

Online modules, are just plain stupid and a complete waste of money. But that's okay, we'll not think about it for now. Till then, x